dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
