Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
