The maid of honor just puked.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
