I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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