yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize