I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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