Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
