she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
