My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Even my vagina gasped.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
