he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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