I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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