So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize