Those balls look pretty dangerous.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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