That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize