help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
