Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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