My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
