Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
