cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
