I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
