i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
