Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
