the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
operation have a gay friend backfired
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
