she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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