I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
