5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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