Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
