I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
