if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize