Moan for me like Helen Keller
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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