Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
