I accidentally had phone sex last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize