Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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