Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
