Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
