I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
