sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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