is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wow bdsm is so cute
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
