put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
