so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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