this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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