i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
