Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
