He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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