she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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