dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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