I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
