I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
