we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
