I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
