i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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