when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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