I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
