It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
