The maid of honor just puked.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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