That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
