would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
