Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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