God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize