It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
