You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
