She even gives head with a lisp.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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