i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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