He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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