I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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