You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
