Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
