Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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