The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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